WARNING: Severe Emo Entry

I am so stressed out right now. I feel like such an idiot...I'm complaining, complaining, complaining away about how my project is due Monday and I can't even get it started, when really I've had weeks to do it and I've just been putzing around...like a putz.

What am I going to do? I'm really in it deep this time. I mean, I can't think of a worthwhile thing to do, and I've already created one piece of crap the last project we had--and there's only three due in the whole class.

I feel like a real disappointment. I've always joked about what a slacker I am, but never meant it, and now I think I really am one. I just want...I don't know. I need a swift kick in the ass.

But goodness. It's really frustrating. I haven't created one worthwhile piece of art this entire semester, and it's already past halfway through. What am I going to do with my life? Did I really choose the wrong major? Thinking that makes me panic so much.

I really don't want to fail. More than anything, I'd hate that. I don't want to hate myself as a person, and I know that if I fail, I couldn't accept myself. I'm aware this is turning into a pity party, but this is serious business (although anytime someone says that, I can't help but laugh).

What am I going to do?

...I guess the only thing there is to do is sleep.

This is a test.

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

Sketch for Drawing

Hello!

There is something in the air...

I can feel it. Inspiration is imminent! Sometime very soon, I will find out just what I want to do. What I want to say. What I want to draw.

Which is great, because I'm really starting to feel lame incompetent stumped.

Whatev, I know it'll happen. I think I need to make a list of the things that interest me, what I want to do. Aside from photoshopping and costume-making, of course.

Gross, scary, bloody, macabre, delicate, amusing, whimsical, perceptual, beautiful.

Well, that's a little ambitious, but I'll work on it.

Hm...drew a little today, mostly while Alicia came to document my life. Enjoyed a rousing art party with good friends and bad wine, and then a delightful movie-fest with delicious Key Lime Pie ice cream.

Ran many errands--new shoes!--and learned many things.

dude, this ho been zombified

I really should shed the habit of not doing anything productive.

But at least I had fun with some photoshop! Made myself into a zombie (see below) while listening to the soundtrack of Evil Dead: The Musical (I want to see that in the worst way!) and a few songs from the upcoming motion picture REPO! The Genetic Opera, which looks pretty friggin sweet.

Mom's doing much better; I spoke with her on the phone, and other than being very tired, she sounded great. I think she's going to try to get out tomorrow.

Today was perfect, weather-wise. It made me so sleepy...the temperature was great, a nice breeze blowing a very slight, dry, springtime-type chill in the air, with the sun just warm enough to keep it warm (and entice me to go sleep outside on a cement table, but I didn't). I even have my windows open!

Celeste and I got some errands run and shopping done...got all my groceries (and hit on by a creepy old man again while doing so) and rented Teeth. I looked for foam rubber at wall mart, but apparently they don't have any. :c I'll have to check somewhere else...wherever JoAnn's is, or Michaels. Yeah, Michaels ought to have some. I hope they do. And I also need to get large pieces of cardboard...so much to do!

And on top of that, there's still homework:

ARE2045: Journal reflection

DIG3110: Blog entry, pictures (print!), fix project 1

ART4096: Um, start new project. And log in studio hours (I think I might be falling behind!)

Aaaand about that Art project...I really need to think about what I want to do, fill in that middle square with. I want it to suit me terribly, but I need to figure out how to correlate that to the fairy tale...which I should read again. I'll work on it tomorrow.

And speaking of, tomorrow's our girly night!!! So excited.

Cabin in the Woods, Wooo!

Hay hay hay...boy, today was tense. I managed to get through six straight hours of class (the second half spent in an agonizing critique of a project I hated) on a pitiful two hours of sleep...oh, why do I think I don't need sleep? I always do, and I always regret it when I balk bedtime. I suppose I could delve into my warped psychosis of why my inner brain fears sleep and seclusion or what-have-you, but I sincerely doubt there'd be any accuracy to the examination.

Anyhoo...the critique today was pretty bad. It's because I didn't really believe in the project we were presenting...and I really, really hate working in groups. Nothing at all against my partners, it's just the virgo in me who needs to be in full control of her own project, ready to fight for it and personally make it her best, or be honest and change things or go a different route. I just was not at all proud of the product today. I felt stupid and unprepared, and I feel like this was my second-worst failure of college (the first one being in WARP, and I'd rather not talk about it).

Hm...well, in great news, Mom's surgery was a success, and she's doing well. I'm glad. I was never really worried, of course, but even the simplest things have a way of going wrong, and I'm releived that they didn't today.

Ah, I have much to get done in terms of running errands tomorrow:

- Deposit check at Wachovia
- Payless: New flats
- Groceries: soap, toothbrush, broom, champagne, ice cream, granola, etc...
- Blockbuster: Teeth
- Best Buy: Computer cords--camera USB and TV hookup
- Walmart/Michaels: Costume materials! Especially cardboard (refrigerator box?) and foam rubber.

Alright. I have class until 3, so I think I'll be able to make my runs after that. Hopefully...I'll need a ride, so I'll see if anyone's going that way.

Okay, nothing else too new. Good night!